Husband trust and guidance

Question

a. my husband have lots of angerness, i can't say him anything he is not offering salah, says bad words and not giving permission for niqab. b. I want to know if divorce is the right answer after a lot of tries to make marriage work? I am pregnant with my second child and in the last two months i found out a lot about my husband? He is being having affair since he married me? He lies to people that he is not married and doesn't respect me. He is abusive and makes me feel like i did something wrong to cover up himself. What should i do? I been trying to make this marriage work since i married him but now i feel like he kept of making me a fool and i believed him all the time. c. I am married since last 13 years and have 3 young children. My husband was very very loving and caring in the beginning of our marriage. My husband's father was a very hot tempered person and that's why he did not have good reputation socially. He passed away, may Allah forgive him. Now, my husband slowly slowly becoming like his father. He is also very hot tempered. He cut ties from every relative of mine. He fights and argues with me a lot. He never prays nor he ever goes to mosque or meet any of my friends. I don't know what happened to him, he was such a good person before. I don't know if this is nazar or jadoo or what. But I have tried everything to make him understand but he never listen to me and start shouting and screaming. I cannot talk to him about anything. I do dua day and night for him. What else should I do? Please help. I feel so disappointed, but due to kids I don't want divorce. d. my husband always ignore me whenever weekend comes, he always fight with me and does not want to listen to me always want to b boss. we always have very much arguments. and he always just give time to his parents and brother and sister and does not talk to me. he always stay in a bad mood without any good reason. plz helppp me i m in very big problem e. do you have any dua for husband hedayet. he is good man but islamic activities like namaz , roza, quaran is funny thing for him. please let me know what can i do for him and for my kids in near future. thanks

Answer

May Allah bless you with piety (Taqwa) and purity, strong Imaan, forgiveness of sins, have mercy on you, elevate your status, and bless you with knowledge of Deen and generosity. Ameen

May Allah bless you and your family to live in peace and harmony!

Marriage is an institute which can be as firm as a rock or weak as a thread, it is up to the partners to make it either one. Due to the influence of Shaytaan, bad desires and environment outside and inside the home, sometimes a married man starts making an affair with a non-Mahram
woman and may lose interest in his own wife at home. This article discusses some causes of this problem and a few suggestions for the wife to re-gain her husband's love.

At the time of concern and tension in domestic affairs,
review your life pattern to see in how many ways you can improve yourselves.

Protection of eyes:
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This is one of the biggest concerns in the Ummah today, affecting both the young an old. The outside environment (streets, markets, workplaces, social events) and
media inside homes (TV, magazines, internet) and filled with opportunities to look at non-Mahram faces. If someone does not protect the eyes and looks with lust and desires, his heart may be occupied with dozens of beautiful faces and may easily forget his own wife.

Disrespect and quarrels at home:
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Even if the wife is sincere in her heart, sometimes abusing the tongue on domestic issues may lead the husband to feel disrespected. If the wife does not treat the husband well, he may find more peace talking to strange women outside
home. Usually the people outside home (for example, at the markets and social events) appear more polite, courteous and keeping a soft and sweet-tone. This is a 'big competition' for the spouse at home to surpass the loving and admiring attitude experienced in the outside world!

Suggestions for Happy Marraige
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Kindly review our advice on Happy Marriage ' Living with Peace and Harmony at Home at

http://islameasy.org/Marriage_Advice.php

Manners and protection of tongue:
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From our elders we have learned that the best method to increase the love between the husband and the wife
is to obtain great morals and etiquettes and to guard our tongue. By doing both of those, one will be able to attract your spouse into a never ending love. Please review the following article:

http://islameasy.org/K213_Tongue_protection.php

List of husband's likes and dislikes:
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Living closely for a period of time, the wife knows the secrets of do's and don'ts which pleases the husband. At the time of difficulty and concern, when the husband is not behaving well, extra precaution should be taken and a
'selfless' attitude is needed to win his heart.

Looking for rights or love?
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'Do not go by the book of 'My Rights'. Go by the book of Love, Ihsaan and khidmat. In other words, if every person goes out of his or her way to fulfill the rights of others, instead of demanding his or her own rights,
or goes a step further than just fulfillment of rights, i.e. he or she goes out of his or her way to be kind, caring, loving and forgiving, then automatically this world will become a paradise.' (Hedyatus Saalikeen,
selected quotes by Shaykh Yunus Patel, 1998, South Africa)

A warm-welcome of the husband:
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When the husband enters home and looks at the wife with love and mercy and wife also looks at the husband with love
and mercy, Allah looks at both of them with mercy. Entering and leaving home with Salam and Du'a keeps the Shaytaan away. The wife at home should decorate herself for the husband when he arrives home and meet with him
cheerfully. On the other hand, when a woman goes out of her home (for example, for a social event), she should wear simple and modest clothing and observe complete Hijaab in front of non-Mahram. In practice, this is not followed in today's society which opens the door of issues.

Virtues of good deeds:
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Imagine a pious wife making Du'a for his husband after every Salah: May Allah make him a pious man! May Allah
bless him with wisdom and knowledge of Deen! May Allah accept all his good deeds and keep Shaytaan away from him!

Pray Salat-ul-Hajat and Istekhara before making important decisions. See the main page at http://islameasy.org/

Give some Sadaqa on behalf of your spouse.

Increase time for Du'a, especially if you could wake up during the last part of night. Here is a startup script and examples of Dua:

Dua from the Core of Heart
http://islameasy.org/pdf/Duae_Walihana.pdf

Munajaat-e-Maqbool
http://islameasy.org/Dua_MM_2.php

Environment of pious people:
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Find a pious Shaykh near your area and encourage the husband to attend his programs with intention to acquire the love of Allah Almighty. Listen to lectures and read books on pious husband and wife. Read books of virtues
(like Muntakhab Ahadith, Riyadus-Saliheen) w

And Allah knows best.

Ask Alimah Team

Note: The rulings giving herein are based on the religious rulings of the Islamic Law and do not have any implications on the Law of the Country. The rulings given hereunder are specifically based on the question posed and should be read in conjunction with the question. AskAlimah.com site bears no responsibility to any party who may or may not act on this answer. AskAlimah.com site being hereby exempted from loss or damage howsoever caused. This answers may not be used as evidence in any Court of Law without prior written consent of the web site.